Not Right Now

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.”
Fulton J. Sheen

(Do not ask me to tell you anything about Fulton J. Sheen as I have never heard of him? her? but when I found this quote, I knew I simply had to add it to this article.  It was too perfect.)

The past month has been rough.  Bad news has come what seemed like daily.  Commitments have arisen.  Hearts have been broken.  Unfamiliar has become familiar. But one thing is for certain… lessons have been learned.

Over the years, I’ve had lots of ideas.  Ideas, dreams, pursuits.  None of them ever worked out.  The dreams would fizzle out as quickly as they were thought up.  Months, even years of hard work I’ve watched slip through my fingers.  I could do nothing about it because circumstances would no longer allow me to chase frivolous diversions.  It wasn’t practical.  I had babies to birth, nurse, care for, educate… I heard God whisper to me, “Not now.”

This past weekend, the family devoted our time to rearranging several rooms, adding a loft bed for the youngest to have his own space for sleeping, and turning the “play room” into more of a “school room”.  We have officially moved into the big kid phase of parenting.  All three of our children are “school age”.  They are all pretty self-sufficient.  This is the space I’ve been waiting to enter since I became a mother eleven years ago.  Things are so much easier and there is energy left over for things I might want to do.

So I believe it’s no coincidence that the things I had been asked to wait on are now coming back into my life.  Full circle. My head is spinning.  At some point, I truly believed that I’d never ever ever get the chance to explore my art again. I’d never get to do any *real* writing.  I’d never appear on the stage again.  And all of those dreams I had about serving mothers in my community by providing them with artistic opportunities? Ha!  As if.  I was a mom.  And I’d better be happy with that.

But, miraculously, all of the things I’ve only dreamed of doing while I was breastfeeding, diapering, and parenting little kids are coming back around again.  I am writing, I am cast in a small role in a local production, and, I might even be rebirthing that whole Artsy Mamas thing I started a few years ago. The realization that there is plenty of time to do it later is helping me to stop and breathe a little bit more often.  I am feeling less pressure to write that book, get that play finished, create that masterpiece.  One day.  Meanwhile, I’ll work at a pace that doesn’t take me away from my family and friends.  Children won’t keep.  But if I have any actual talent, it will.

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